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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031656">Avatar High School Host Club</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalQueer/pseuds/CrystalQueer'>CrystalQueer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Ouran High School Host Club Fusion, Crack Treated Seriously, I'm Sorry, those tags alone mean its gonna be fun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:22:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031656</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalQueer/pseuds/CrystalQueer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jonathon literally stumbles into the Ouran Host Club and breaks an expensive vase, the only way he can pay for the damage is to work as a host!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Avatar High School Host Club</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>my parents made me literate and im making it everyone else's problem.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jon stared into the fourth library from the doors which he had only opened a crack, expressing a grimace as he took in the chattering crowd that filled the room. After a few moments of quiet staring, he closed the door with a heavy sigh and a faint creak of the hinges.</p>
<p><em> This place has four library rooms </em> , he thought as he began to walk away slowly, <em> you’d think at least one of them would be quiet </em>.</p>
<p>He continued his lonely search through the massive, elaborate halls of the school. One hallway was lined with large, arched windows that allowed sunlight to filter through and light the tiles brighter than any fluorescent light could, the view outside was amazing, too, a clear blue sky overlooking the school’s well manicured courtyard in which students gathered in small clumps, undoubtedly gossiping with each other, about each other.</p>
<p><em>How are things in Heaven, mom</em><b><em>?</em></b> <em>I can’t believe it’s been ten years already</em>. His footsteps echoed through the empty hall as he rounded a corner. <em>I’m beginning to think rich kids only come to this school to have fun</em>. He shook his head.</p>
<p>A large door caught his attention and he paused in front of it, the sign above it read <em> 3rd Music Room </em>. </p>
<p><em>An abandoned music room</em>. <em>I guess this is the only place I’ll be able to study</em> <em>in peace and quiet</em>. Jon reached for the shiny gold door handle, and the doors swung open with a loud creak. As he peered inside the room, it seemed to glow a bright white, and a swirl of rose petals blew out the door as if propelled by a mysterious force; it couldn’t have been wind, because Jon was inside.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Welcome <b>! ”</b> said a conglomerate of voices. The bright light faded to reveal several figures of varying heights and appearances all posing elegantly in front of the door.</p>
<p><b>(</b><em>When I opened the door, I found a host club </em> .<b>)</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Only those with excellent social standing, and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite private school, Ouran Academy. <b>“ </b>One of them, someone who appeared to be an unnaturally tall living mannequin, explained. <b>“ </b>The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest monsters with too much time on their hands, entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super-rich and beautiful. <b>”</b></p>
<p>In the distance, a clock ticked loudly.</p>
<p><b>“</b> This is a host club <b>?”</b> Jon asked, shocked. He leaned back against the door, feeling equal parts flustered and surprised, and took no notice of a large blue vase sat upon a wooden pedestal in front of him.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh wow <b>!”</b> Intoned two surprised voices that belong to two tall figures; one was tall and pale, with a mass of wildly curly blond hair and mismatched eyes that seemed to change color, the other was a slightly shorter woman with brown skin and short, curly hair, but similar mismatched eyes. Looking at them both was difficult, like they had a static overlay. Jon didn’t notice it immediately, but they both also possessed hands with three foot long fingers. <b>“</b> It’s a boy <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Helen, Michael, <b>”</b> said another man in the group, this one short, with blond hair in a comb<strong>-</strong>over and piercing pale green eyes barely concealed by glasses. <b>“</b> I believe this young man is in the same class as you, isn’t he <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Yeah, but he’s shy. <b>”</b> Helen and Michael said together. <b>“</b> He doesn’t act very sociably, so we don’t know much about him. <b>”</b> They both shrugged.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Hm. <b>”</b> said the green <b>-</b> eyed man. <b>“</b> Well, that wasn’t very polite. Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Mr. Honor Student. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> WHAT <b>?”</b> exclaimed the mannequin, shooting upright from her seat. <b>“</b> You must be Jonathon Sims <b>!</b> You’re the <em> exceptional </em> honor student we’ve heard about <b>!”</b></p>
<p>They seemed to be ignoring Jon’s frantic struggle to open the door so that he could escape. He just wanted to study, he hadn’t meant to wander into a host club, but as the mannequin finished speaking, Jon froze.</p>
<p><b>“</b> How did you know my name <b>?”</b> He asked, slowly turning back around.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Why, you’re infamous. <b>”</b> explained the green <b>-</b> eyed man. <b>“</b> It’s not every day that a commoner gains entrance into our academy. <b>”</b></p>
<p><em> Commoner </em> <b> <em>?</em> </b>  Jon scowled.</p>
<p><b>“</b> You must have an audacious nerve to fight your way into this school as an honour student, Mr. Sims. <b>”</b> continued the green <b>-</b>eyed man.</p>
<p><em> Audacious commoner </em> <b> <em>?</em> </b>   Jon scowled even harder. <b>“</b> Uh, well, thank you, I guess. <b>”</b> He said out loud.</p>
<p><b>“</b> You’re welcome <b>!”</b> exclaimed the mannequin, who had made her way over to Jon and now wrapped an arm around his shoulders. <b>“</b> You’re a hero to other poor people, Sims <b>! </b> You’ve shown the world that even a poor person can excel at an elite private academy. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Jon shrugged off the mannequin’s hand and sidled away, but the mannequin followed persistently, waving her hands in a theatrical manner as she continued to speak.</p>
<p><b>“</b> It must be hard for you to constantly be looked down upon by others. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I think you’re taking this <b>“</b> poor <b>”</b> thing too far. <b>”</b> Jon protested, continuing to flee from the mannequin, who continued to pursue him in turn. </p>
<p><b>“</b> Spurned <b>!</b> Neglected <b>!</b> That doesn’t matter now <b>!”</b> continued the mannequin, unstopped by her friends. <b>“</b> Long live the poor <b>!”</b></p>
<p>Jon had made the mistake of stopping, and once again the mannequin flung an arm around his shoulders, her other raised high to the ceiling as she made her proclamation. Jon merely slouched in defeat, refusing to feed into her dramatics.</p>
<p> <b>“</b> We welcome you, poor man, to our world of beauty <b>!”</b> The mannequin turned towards Jon, hands flung wide to indicate the room, and the school.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m out of here. <b>”</b> Jon grumbled, turning and walking away towards the doors.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Hey <b>!</b> Come back here, Jonny <b>!”</b> cried a tall woman with long, straight auburn hair, and bright gold eyes that could trap you like a deer in the headlights. She grabbed his wrists, and her hands were uncomfortably hot. <b>“</b> You must be like, a superhero or something <b>!</b> That’s so cool <b>!”</b> Her face practically glowed, and she grinned as she clung to his arm.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m not a hero. I’m an honour student. <b>”</b> Jon grumbled, pausing as the woman’s nickname for him sunk in. </p>
<p><b>“</b> Hey <b>!</b> Who’re you calling <em> Jonny </em> <b>?!”</b> He yelled.</p>
<p>The woman scuttled off in a panic, and the mannequin slid back into frame.</p>
<p><b>“</b> So tell me what kind of monsters you’re into. <b>”</b> The mannequin said. <b>“</b> The strong, silent type <b>?”</b> She gestured to a squat, muscular asian woman with close cropped hair, whom seemed to be comforting the auburn <b>-</b>haired woman.</p>
<p><b>“</b> The quiet, fiery type <b>?”</b> She gestured at the auburn <b>-</b>haired woman.</p>
<p><b>“</b> How about the mischievous type <b>?”</b> The mannequin gestured at the two static <b>-</b>y figures who had been the first to speak when Jon arrived. They posed, but glared harshly at each other.</p>
<p><b>“</b> The cool type <b>?”</b> Now she gestured at the green <b>-</b>eyed man, who stared at Jon intensely.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Uh… I… Uh. It’s not like that <b>!”</b> Jon exclaimed, backing away from all of them. He was so flustered he didn’t notice the wooden pedestal behind him, blocking his course. <b>“</b> I was just looking for a quiet place to study <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Or maybe, <b>”</b> the mannequin said, striding forward and easily catching up to Jon to lean over him, grabbing his shoulder. <b>“</b> You’re into a clown like me <b>? </b> What do you say <b>?”</b></p>
<p>Jon stammered incoherently and leapt backwards away from the mannequin, crashing right into the wooden pedestal, and knocking from it that pale blue vase that he hadn’t noticed earlier. He gasped in shock and dove to save it, his fingers barely brushed the porcelain handle but it was too late, the vase hit the floor and shattered with a dramatic <em> CRASH </em>.Helen and Michael leaned over Jon, who in turn was draped over the pedestal, hand still outstretched as if he could save the vase from it’s unfortunate face. They both groaned.</p>
<p><b>“</b> We were going to feature that Renaissance vase in an upcoming school auction <b>!”</b> complained Helen.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh now you’ve done it, commoner <b>!”</b> said Michael. <b>“</b> The bidding on that vase was supposed to start at eight million <b>!”</b></p>
<p>Jon could not possibly display any more shock. <b>“</b> Eight million <b>?!”</b> He exclaimed, then paused. <b>“</b> Eight million <em> what </em> <b>?”</b></p>
<p>No one answered.</p>
<p>He slowly turned around to face the monstrous host club. <b>“</b> Um, I’m gonna have to pay you back. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> With what money <b>?”</b> Michael and Helen asked in unison. <b>“</b> You can’t even afford a school uniform <b>!”</b></p>
<p>Jon flinched.</p>
<p><b>“</b> What’s with that grubby outfit you’ve got on, anyway <b>?”</b> asked Helen.</p>
<p><b>“</b> What do you think we should do, Nikola <b>?”</b> asked the green <b>-</b>eyed man, not giving Jon a chance to answer the previous query.</p>
<p><b>“</b> There’s a famous saying you may have heard, Sims. <b>”</b> Nikola began from where she sat dramatically in her chair. She pointed at Jon. <b>“‘</b> When in Rome, you should do as the Romans do. <b>’</b> Since you have no money, you can pay with your body. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Jon was frozen in place, eyes still wide in shock as Nikola continued to speak.</p>
<p><b>“</b> That means starting today, you are the Host Club’s dog <b>!”</b></p>
<p>He could have sworn that in the distance, he heard a dog’s howl. <em>I don’t know if I can handle this, Mom.</em> <em>I’ve been captured by a bunch of monsters that are calling themselves a host club</em><b><em>!</em></b></p>
<p>The monsters had surrounded Jon as he zoned out in shock, each staring with mild concern.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Poke, poke. <b>”</b> said the auburn <b>-</b>haired woman as she poked his arm with her uncomfortably hot finger.</p>
<p>Jon fainted.</p>
<p><b>(</b> <em> The host club is open for business </em> <b> <em>!</em> </b> <b>)</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Um, Nikola, what’s your favourite song <b>?”</b> asked Girl Number One, as the camera swept over the room for the establishing shot.</p>
<p><b>“</b> What song <b>?</b> Why, the one that reminds me of you, of course. <b>”</b> Nikola replied as the camera continued to pan over the host club.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I baked you a cake today, would you like to taste it <b>?”</b> asked another girl.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I can’t eat, darling. <b>”</b> said Nikola, because she was a mannequin and did not have a mouth. The girl still blushed as if that were a charming statement.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh wow, <b>”</b> she sighed. <b>“</b> You’re so dreamy <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Can I have a word with you, Nikola <b>?”</b> asked yet another girl, whom was sitting on Nikola’s left. This one had the appearance of an important side character, with long, scraggly dark hair and greenish worm <b>-</b>scarred skin.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Hm <b>?”</b> Nikola turned to face her.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’ve recently heard that the Host Club is keeping a little kitten without a pedigree. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I don’t know if I’d call him that. <b>”</b> Nikola replied. In the same moment Jon arrived, carrying paper bags full of groceries. <b>“</b> Oh, speak of the devil. Thanks for doing the shopping, little piglet <b>!”</b> She waved at him. <b>“</b> Did you get everything on the list <b>?”</b></p>
<p><em> What, piglet </em> <b> <em>?</em> </b> Thought Jon.</p>
<p>In an awkward and indescribable transition, Nikola managed to rifle through Jon’s shopping bag and find the instant coffee he had bought. <b>“</b> Wait, what’s this <b>?”</b> She asked.</p>
<p><b>“</b>Just what it looks like.<b>”</b> Jon replied. <b>“</b>It’s Coffee.<b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I’ve never seen this kind before. Is it the kind that’s already ground <b>?”</b> Nikola asked.</p>
<p><b>“</b> What do you mean <b>?</b> It’s just instant coffee. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> It’s instant <b>?”</b> asked in unison two girls who were clearly not main characters, and who sat across from Nikola on a different couch.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Woah <b>!</b> I’ve heard of this before <b>!”</b> Nikola exclaimed, managing to look shocked despite her lack of face. <b>“</b> It’s commoner's coffee. You just add hot water. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I didn’t know that was possible. <b>”</b> said one of the two previous girls, a crowd beginning to form behind them.</p>
<p><b>“</b> So it’s true then <b>?”</b> said the other. <b>“</b> Poor people don’t even have enough free time to grind their own coffee beans. <b>”</b> The crowd of girls all nodded and made sounds of agreement.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Commoners are pretty smart. <b>”</b> said the green <b>-</b>eyed man, because while the camera had been facing away from Nikola, a crowd had gathered behind her as well, a crowd that included three of the Host Club members, and a bunch of unimportant background characters.</p>
<p><b>“</b> One hundred grams for three hundred. <b>”</b> Michael said.</p>
<p><b>“</b> That’s a lot less than what we normally pay. <b>”</b> Helen said.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’ll go back and buy something else <b>!”</b> Jon exclaimed. <b>“</b> Excuse <em> me </em> for not buying you guys expensive coffee. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> No, I’ll keep it <b>!”</b> Nikola exclaimed, holding up a hand to stop Jon.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b> cried the crowd in surprise and confusion.</p>
<p>Nikola stood up dramatically and declared, <b>“</b> I’m going to give it a try <b>!”</b></p>
<p>Everyone gasped in shock.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I will drink this coffee <b>!”</b> Nikola continued, holding the container up in the air for all to see. Everyone began to <em> ooh </em> and <em> aah </em> and applaud.</p>
<p><b>“</b> All right, Jon <b>!</b> Get over here and show me how to make commoner’s coffee <b>!”</b> Nikola commanded. Jon’s expression was pure exasperation.</p>
<p><em> I hate all these damn rich people </em>. He thought.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh Nikola, now you’re taking the joke too far. <b>”</b> said the girl from earlier, the one who looked like an important side character, as she set down her teacup upon a pretty tea plate. <b>“</b> You don’t have a mouth to consume that crap. You don’t have to drink it just because he bought it. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b> said Jon, the only person still nearby, because everyone else had followed Nikola away to prepare the commoner’s coffee.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m sorry, <b>”</b> said the girl. <b>“</b> I was talking to myself. <b>”</b> She turned around and smiled, a worm wiggling in a hole in her face.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Um.. <b>”</b> Jon began, but he couldn’t say anything else, because Nikola was paging him from across the room. </p>
<p><b>“</b> Jon <b>!”</b> She called.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Ugh, I’m coming <b>!”</b> Jon groaned, and he went.</p>
<p>Nikola had set up a table with some teacups spread across it, and a teapot of hot water next to them. Jon, under the awed eyes of the Host Club and its patrons, poured a spoonful of instant coffee into each cup, then began to add water as a drumroll played faintly in the background. When he finished, he set the cups on an elaborate tray, and offered them.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Here. <b>”</b> He said.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Let the tasting begin <b>!”</b> Nikola said.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m a little scared to try this stuff. <b>”</b> said one girl.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m afraid if I drink this, my father will yell at me. <b>”</b> said another.</p>
<p>Nikola swooped forward and scooped the girl into a close embrace. <b>“</b> What if I let you drink it from my mouth <b>?”</b> She asked.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Well… Then I would drink it. <b>”</b> The girl replied softly, blushing a vibrant scarlet. The other girls all lost it, their eyes turning to hearts and their squeals piercing.</p>
<p><em> This is ridiculous </em>. Jon thought as he watched the display. Nikola didn’t even have a mouth.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Sorry we’re running late. <b>”</b> said someone across the room. It was the auburn <b>-</b> haired woman, escorted by the woman with the close <b>-</b>cropped hair.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Hello, Agnes <b>!”</b> A girl called to her. <b>“</b> Hey, Jude <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> We’ve been waiting for you guys <b>!</b> Hi <b>!”</b> exclaimed another as Agnes and Jude came to a stop at the girls’ table.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Sorry, I was waiting for Jude to finish her cult meeting, and I fell asleep. <b>”</b> Agnes smiled apologetically, still looking sleepy. <b>“</b> And I’m still not completely awake. <b>”</b></p>
<p>All the girls gasped. <b>“</b> So cute <b>!”</b> They cried.</p>
<p>Jon watched from next to a pillar, frowning. <b>“</b> Is that girl really a student <b>?”</b> He mused.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Agnes may seem very distant, but she’s a prodigy. <b>”</b> said the green <b>-</b>eyed man, who had approached Jon without him noticing.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b> said Jon.</p>
<p><b>“</b> And then Jude’s allure is her strong and silent disposition. <b>”</b> The green <b>-</b>eyed man continued.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Jo <em> nny </em> <b>!”</b> Agnes called, suddenly sprinting across the room to launch herself at Jon in a flying leap, one he was not prepared for, and almost knocked him off balance, making him yell in surprise. Agnes’ hands were <em> still </em> uncomfortably hot, and he could feel the heat even through his clothes. </p>
<p><b>“</b> <em> Jonny </em> , want to come have some cake with me <b>?”</b> Agnes asked brightly.</p>
<p>Jon, still dazed, rejected her offer. <b>“</b> Thanks, but, I... don’t really like cake. <b>”</b> He said, swaying on his feet, eyes confused little swirls.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Then, would you like to hold my bunny <b>?”</b> Agnes asked, having released Jon to now hold up a slightly burnt stuffed rabbit toy that came from absolutely nowhere, and looked as if it had seen <em> far </em> better days.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m not into bunnies. <b>”</b> Jon said.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Are you saying you don’t like him <b>?”</b> Agnes asked seriously, holding the rabbit up in Jon’s face.</p>
<p>Jon sighed, defeated. <b>“</b> I guess he is kind of cute <b>?”</b> That was a lie. The rabbit was a mess.</p>
<p>This cheered Agnes up a great deal, and she shoved the rabbit into Jon’s arms before turning to skip away, calling out over her shoulder, <b>“</b> take good care of him, okay <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You’ll notice that our club utilizes each monster’s unique characteristics to cater to the desires of our guests. <b>”</b> said the green <b>-</b> eyed man, who had been silent during Jon’s whole exchange with Agnes. <b>“</b> Just so you know, Nikola is the number one around here. She’s the ringmaster. Her request rate is seventy percent. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> What’s this world coming to <b>?”</b> Jon grumbled.</p>
<p>The green<b>-</b> eyed man continued as if he hadn’t heard him. <b>“</b> In order to pay off your debt of eight million to us, you will act as the Host Club’s dog until you graduate. <b>”</b> He paused. <b>“</b> I’m sorry. I meant our errand boy. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You can try to run away if you want to, Jonathan, I employ a private police force of one hundred officers. <b>”</b> He continued, ignored Jon’s dumbfounded expression. <b>“</b> By the way, do you have a passport <b>?”</b></p>
<p>Jon took that to mean he wouldn’t be able to stay in the country. <b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You’re going to have to work hard to pay off your debt, my little nerd. <b>”</b> Nikola interjected, quite literally sliding into the scene and startling Jon.</p>
<p>He exclaimed in shock, hunching over. <b>“</b> Please don’t do that again. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You’re going to need a makeover, or no girl’s going to look twice at you. <b>”</b> Nikola continued, ignoring him.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Yeah, well, I’m not trying to get girls to look at me. <b>”</b> Jon replied.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Are you kidding me <b>?”</b> asked Nikola. <b>“</b> You have to learn to be a gentleman and please the ladies like me <b>!”</b> From somewhere unknown she had managed to produce a rose, and posed with it dramatically.</p>
<p>Now it was Jon’s turn to ignore her. <b>“</b> I just don’t think it’s that important. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Nikola was shocked. <b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Why should I care about appearances and labels, anyway <b>? </b> I mean, all that really matters is what’s on the inside, right <b>?</b> I don’t understand why you even have a club like this. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> It’s a cruel reality, isn’t it <b>?”</b> Nikola said, catching Jon’s annoyed attention as she posed dramatically, a hand draped over her forehead. <b>“</b> It’s not often that the stranger creates a perfect avatar like <em> moi </em> , beautiful both inside and out <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b> said Jon, confused and not for the first time that day.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I understand how you feel since not everyone is as blessed as I am. <b>”</b> Nikola continued, voice soft, still posing dramatically. <b>“</b> But you must console yourself. Otherwise, how would you go on living <b>? </b> And think about this, Jonathan; why do you think they put works of art in museums <b>? </b> Because beauty should be shared with the world <b>!”</b></p>
<p>Jon groaned, exasperation plain on his face, yet Nikola continued on with her monologue unfazed. <b>“</b> And those born with beauty should promote … <b>”</b></p>
<p><em> There’s a word to describe people like her </em>. Jon thought.</p>
<p><b>“</b> ...In the first place, I did it for those who are starved for beauty… <b>”</b></p>
<p><em> What was it </em> <b> <em>?</em> </b></p>
<p><b>“</b> ...Working day and night pursuing beauty. And although… <b>”</b></p>
<p>
  <em> Aw man, I wish I could remember that word. Hmm. </em>
</p>
<p><b>“</b> ...I have chosen to share my expertise with you. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Nikola was at a table now, a glass of water in hand. The distortion avatars who had been passing by now stopped to watch Jon and Nikola.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Here’s a tip. When setting down your glass, extend your pinky finger as a cushion. <b>”</b> Nikola demonstrated as she spoke. <b>“</b> And that way when you set it down, you won’t be making a lot of noise. Gentlewomen do not… <b>”</b></p>
<p><em>Maybe, </em><b><em>“</em></b><em>a pain in the neck</em><b><em>”?</em></b> <em>No, there’s something that fits her perfectly.</em></p>
<p><b>“</b> But above all else, Jonathan, you must remember, <b>”</b> Nikola turned her attention back to Jon and began to approach. <b>“</b> How effective a glance to the side can be. <b>”</b> Again she demonstrated, but Jon was too lost in thought to notice. It didn’t matter anyway, though, because Nikola didn’t have eyes.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh, I got it <b>!”</b> Jon interrupted loudly. </p>
<p><b>“</b> Did I strike a chord <b>?”</b> Nikola asked, at the same time, Jon exclaimed, <b>“</b> Obnoxious <b>!”</b></p>
<p>Nikola froze in shock and dropped into a crouch with her knees pulled up to her chest and her forehead pressed against them, somehow having shifted to be in front of a wooden pedestal, her back to Jon.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Uh, I’m sorry, Nikola. <b>”</b> Jon said, although he was not.</p>
<p>The distortion avatars slid into the frame, laughing as they posed on either side of Jon, each using his head as an armrest because he was rather short, and they were rather tall. Their three foot long fingers framed his face.</p>
<p><b>“</b> You’re a hero all right <b>!”</b> They exclaimed.</p>
<p><b>“</b> But he <em> is </em> a pain in the neck. <b>”</b> Jon grumbled, then added on in a louder voice, <b>“</b> I’m sorry, Nikola, but your lesson did strike a small chord with me. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Nikola perked up immediately. She rose to her feet and spun around, her fingers framing her chin. If she had a face, she surely would have looked triumphant. <b>“</b> Really <b>?</b> It did <b>?</b> Then let me teach you more, my friend <b>!”</b> She extended her hand to Jon.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Well, she got over that quick. <b>”</b> Jon commented, not accepting the proffered hand.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Boss <b>?”</b> said Helen.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Call me queen <b>!” </b>Nikola exclaimed.</p>
<p><b>“</b> You can teach him all the basics of hosting… <b>”</b> Helen continued.</p>
<p><b>“</b> ...But he’s not going to get very far with the ladies if he doesn’t look the part, you know <b>?”</b> Michael finished. <b>“</b> He’s not exactly club material, but maybe if we took off his glasses… <b>”</b></p>
<p>Using his awkwardly long and very sharp fingers, Michael attempted to remove Jon’s glasses from his face, only succeeding after a few moments.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Hey <b>!</b> I need those <b>!”</b> Jon protested. He was too blind to notice the look of surprise and realization that settled over the distortion avatar’s faces. <b>“</b> I used to have contacts, but I lost them on the first day of school. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Nikola ignored Jon’s weak complaint and ran up to the three of them, shoving the distortion avatars aside to stare at Jon’s face despite her lack of eyes. She raised a hand and snapped her fingers. <b>“</b> Helen, Michael <b>!”</b> She commanded.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Got it <b>!”</b> The distortion avatars exclaimed in unison, although no other orders had been uttered.</p>
<p>The distortion avatars grabbed Jon by the arms <b>(</b> a task made dangerous by their fingers <b>)</b>, and dragged him away yelling through a pair of doors that hadn’t been there previously.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Elias <b>!</b> My hairstylist <b>!”</b> Nikola cried, pointing at the green <b>-</b>eyed man, who was already on the phone. Nikola did not have hair, so whomever Elias was calling was a mystery.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Jude <b>!</b> Go to the eye doctor and get him some contacts <b>!”</b> Nikola continued, pointing at the avatar host in question. Jude rolled her eyes but complied, ambling off at her own pace.</p>
<p><b>“</b> What about me, Nikola <b>?”</b> Agnes asked.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Agnes…. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Yes ma’am <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You… Go have some cake. <b>”</b></p>
<p>The shot cut to one of Agnes sitting alone at a table, her bunny sitting opposite to her. <b>“</b> It’s just us, <b>”</b> she said mournfully. <b>“</b> Everyone else said they were too busy. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Jon found himself cornered in a dressing room by the distortion avatars. <b>“</b> Here <b>!</b> Change into this uniform <b>!”</b> They ordered in unison, holding out to him the school uniform.</p>
<p><b>“</b> What <b>?</b> But why <b>?”</b> Jon asked, bewildered by this sudden change of pace.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Don’t ask questions <b>!”</b> The distortion avatars exclaimed, their motions in sync, they launched into the air and pounced upon the poor man with intent to wrestle him into the uniform.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Okay fine, I’ll change <b>!”</b> Jon yelled, frantically trying to shove them off of him. <b>“</b> But you two have to get out <b>!”</b></p>
<p>He was finally successful in shoving the two avatars out of the dressing room so he could change in peace and privacy.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b> said the distortion avatars, confused by the use of force.</p>
<p>It was evening by the time Jon had finally gotten dressed, gotten the contacts, and gotten his hair done by Nikola’s <b>“</b> stylist <b>”</b>. All of the avatars were gathered outside of the dressing room. Waiting.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Uh, Nikola <b>?”</b> Jon said from the dressing room.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Aren’t you done changing yet <b>?”</b> Nikola asked impatiently.</p>
<p>Agnes groaned.</p>
<p>Jon whisked aside the dressing room’s privacy curtain, and the camera panned up to reveal him all cleaned up, dressed in the fancy formal uniform, hair combed, face clean, looking far better than he had this morning. <b>“</b> Are you sure it’s really okay for me to keep this uniform <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You’re so pretty <b>!”</b> Nikola exclaimed.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Jon<em>ny </em> <b>!</b> You’re so cute <b>!”</b> Agnes cried, bouncing up from her chair. </p>
<p><b>“</b> If we had known <em> that’s </em> how you look… <b>”</b> began Helen.</p>
<p><b>“</b> We would’ve helped sooner <b>!”</b> Michael finished.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Who knows. Maybe he’ll draw in customers. <b>”</b> Elias added thoughtfully.</p>
<p><b>“</b> You know, that’s just what I was thinking <b>!”</b> Nikola interrupted, shoving in front of all of them. She was definitely lying, but that didn’t stop her from pointing at Jon to declare, <b>“</b> Our errand boy is moving up in the ranks <b>!</b> Starting today, you are an official member of the Host Club. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I will personally train you to be a first <b>-</b> rate host. If you can get one hundred customers to request your service, we will officially forget about your debt <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> A host <b>?”</b> Jon exclaimed in shock. Like many things today, he had not expected this in the least.</p>
<p>The next day found Jon in the Host Club, sitting at a table with some girls. <b>“</b> So tell me, Jon, do you have any hobbies <b>?”</b> One of them asked. <b>“</b> What do you like to do <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m curious, what products do you use on your skin <b>?”</b> asked another.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Yes, it’s so pretty <b>!”</b> commented a third.</p>
<p><em> I can’t do this anymore </em> . Jon thought, eyelid twitching. <em> I have no idea what I’m supposed to do </em> <b> <em>!</em> </b></p>
<p><b>“</b> So why did you join the Host Club, Jon <b>?”</b> all three girls asked in unison.</p>
<p>Jon blanched. <em> All I have to do is get one hundred customers to request me, and they’ll forgive my debt. </em> He sat up in his seat. <em> I know just the story </em>.</p>
<p>Nearby, Nikola lurked on a couch to watch her protege work.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I see, <b>”</b> said one girl when Jon finished his story. <b>“</b> So your mother was sick and passed away ten years ago <b>?</b> Then who does the chores around your house <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh, I do them myself. <b>”</b> Jon explained. <b>“</b> My mother taught me. She was an amazing cook. And when she went to the hospital, she left me all kinds of great recipes. It was fun to create each dish, especially when they turned out well, and it made me happy to see my grandmother enjoy them. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I’ve had a hard childhood, but grandmother and I have managed to make it through okay. <b>”</b></p>
<p>He could tell from the girls’ expressions that they were sold on his story. </p>
<p>One girl started, <b>“</b> So um, is it okay if tomorrow <b>-”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> We request to sit with you again <b>?”</b> another finished.</p>
<p>Jon smiled. <b>“</b> Yes, I’d really appreciate that. <b>”</b></p>
<p>The distortion avatars sat behind the couch on which Nikola lurked, and in front of them stood Elias. </p>
<p><b>“</b> Why’s he so popular <b>?”</b> Nikola grumbled.</p>
<p><b>“</b> He’s a natural. <b>”</b> Elias said.</p>
<p><b>“</b> No training needed <b>!”</b> The distortion avatars added.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Have you forgotten about me <b>?”</b> asked the important side character girl from yesterday, who was sitting next to Nikola on the couch.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Huh <b>?”</b> said Nikola, turning to face her.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh no, I’m sorry, Jane <b>!”</b> Nikola exclaimed, turning around on the couch fully. <b>“</b> I’m just a little bit concerned about our newest host <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Well that’s obvious, Nikola. <b>”</b> Jane replied. <b>“</b> You sure have been keeping an eye on him. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Of course. I have to. I’m training him to be a clown, just like me. <b>”</b> Nikola raised her hand and snapped her fingers to catch Jon’s attention.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Jon, come here. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Jon complied and approached them.<b> “</b> Yes <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I’d like you to meet someone. <b>”</b> Nikola indicated the important side character with a sweeping gesture of her hand. <b>“</b> This is my regular guest, Jane Prentiss. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Jon gasped. <em> It’s that woman from earlier </em>.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Miss, it’s a pleasure to meet you. <b>”</b> He said aloud.</p>
<p><b>“</b> That was so cute <b>!”</b> Nikola exclaimed, springing to her feet and embracing Jon in an uncomfortable, plastic hug.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Uh, Nikola <b>?”</b> Jane said, waving a hand to get the mannequin’s attention, which did not work.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Jude <b>! </b> Help me <b>!”</b> Jon called to Jude, who sat at a nearby table with Agnes. Jude did nothing but sit back and watch, but Jon’s plea to her was enough to get Nikola to cease what she was doing, though her attention remained on Jon despite his protests.</p>
<p>Neither of them noticed, but it annoyed Jane greatly. She glowered at the two behind their backs.</p>
<p>Later that day, Jon found his bag in the fountain, and had the sneaking suspicion that Jane had had something to do with it, but after he gathered his things he returned to the Host Club to fulfill his obligation, only this time he found himself sitting across from Jane, explaining that he must have somehow managed to drop his bag out of a window, despite the fact that the windows did not open, and that was not possible.</p>
<p><b>“</b> I can’t imagine what I’d do if <em> my </em> bag fell in the pond. <b>”</b> Jane said innocently.</p>
<p><em> Why did she request me when it’s obvious she doesn’t like me </em> <b> <em>?</em> </b> Jon wondered. </p>
<p><b>“</b> You know, the only reason Nikola is paying attention to you is because she’s trying to turn you into a <em> perfect gentleman </em> . <b>”</b> Jane continued, changing the subject. <b>“</b> Don’t start thinking that she cares about you just because she’s doting on you. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> Now I understand. <b>”</b> Jon said. <b>“</b> You’re jealous of me. <b>”</b></p>
<p>There was a brief pause as Jane registered his words with shock, and then in a blur of movement, the table went crashing down, fine china shattered on the tile floor, and Jane was shrieking.</p>
<p><b>“</b> No, Jon <b>!</b> Leave me alone <b>!”</b> She cried. He realized that he was essentially on top of her, a pose she staged.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Someone do something <b>!”</b> Jane continued, drawing attention to them both.</p>
<p>The distortion avatars were both suddenly <em> there </em>, each with a pitcher of water in their terrible fingers that they dumped upon Jane and Jon without any ceremony.</p>
<p>Jon sat up silently and stared at Helen, who was closest to him.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Why did you do that <b>?”</b> Jane demanded angrily.</p>
<p>Nikola approached and smoothly pulled Jane to her feet. <b>“</b> Do something, Nikola <b>!”</b> Jane ordered once she was standing, looking like a distraught maiden all soaked with water as her worms squirmed angrily in her face. <b>“</b> Jon just assaulted me <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> I’m disappointed in you. <b>”</b> Nikola said, ignoring Jane’s words as she brushed hair out of her face with her plastic fingers. <b>“</b> You threw his bag into the pond, didn’t you <b>?”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> You don’t know that <b>!”</b> Jane exclaimed. <b>“</b> Do you have any proof that I did <b>?”</b></p>
<p>Nikola cupped her face with a cold, plastic mannequin hand. <b>“</b> You know, you’re such a beautiful girl. But you aren’t classy enough to be our guest, dear. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> If there’s one thing I know, <b>”</b> she continued. <b>“</b> Jon is not that kind of man. <b>”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> But <em> why </em> , Nikola <b>?</b> You idiot <b>!”</b> Jane cried, and she fled from the Host Club, leaving behind her the scene she had made.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Now, how do I punish you <b>?”</b> Nikola mused, rounding on Jon, who was still sitting on the floor in a puddle of coffee and water. <b>“</b> Because this is your fault, after all. <b>”</b> She paused, then pointed at Jon decisively. <b>“</b> Your quota is now one thousand <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> One… thousand <b>?”</b> Jon whispered, his voice cracking in despair.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Come on <b>!”</b> Nikola said, extending a hand to Jon and giving him no time to wallow. <b>“</b> I have high hopes for you, rookie <b>!”</b></p>
<p><b>“</b> This is the only spare uniform we have. <b>”</b> Elias cut in, offering Jon a shopping bag. <b>“</b> But it will be better than a wet one. <b>”</b></p>
<p>Jon accepted the bag. <b>“</b> Thanks a lot, you guys. I’m going to go change. <b>”</b></p>
<p>The scene cut to the changing room as Nikola approached the curtain. <b>“</b> Jon <b>!</b> I brought you some towels <b>!”</b> She reached for the curtain and opened it without waiting for a response.</p>
<p>There was no big reveal; Jon was in the midst of changing out of one suit uniform into the other, but something about it made something click in Nikola’s plastic head that Jon was not, in fact, an avatar of any kind as she had just previously assumed, and the shock made her reel and drop the curtain.</p>
<p><b>“</b> So, you’re a human. <b>”</b> she stated plainly after Jon had finally emerged from the changing room.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Technically speaking, yes. <b>”</b> Jon confirmed cautiously. He wasn’t sure what he had done to give the impression that he <em> wasn’t </em>.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Well isn’t this interesting. <b>”</b> said Elias, whom had known all along because he was an avatar of The Eye, and knew everything.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Oh, yeah <b>!”</b> The distortion avatars agreed, because they had known for awhile now too.</p>
<p><b>“</b> Being a host and being fussed over by people might not be so bad, <b>”</b> Jon mused. <b>“</b> I’ll just have to pretend to be an avatar. I know <b>!</b> I can just say <em> I Know </em> things all the time <b>!”</b> He laughed.</p>
<p>But little did he know, that would eventually become his reality.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was quoted word for word from the first episode of ohshc, with some minor parts cut out or edited for the sake of ease. writing this was painful, but also kinda fun! i will not be doing it again.</p>
<p>i don't have a lot to say here, so, thank you for reading! don't forget to like and subscribe, and leave a comment down below to tell me how you feel &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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